Archive for the ‘Here’s a tip for you …’ Category

Body Language 101 … the 3rd in a 3 part series

Monday, December 12th, 2011

More tips to consider … 

*as a listener avoid the roaming eyes … it’s a sure signal you’re looking for something more interesting to focus on

*the study of personal space and how we use it is called Proxemics, a word coined by Edward T. Hall. Check your reaction when someone enters your space uninvited

*our personal space gives us both a sense of identity and security … watch how people react when you invade it

*walking towards someone who is only an acquaintance you will be  approx. 7′ from each other when you issue a greeting

*when you see your friend you will be within 3′ of each other when you greet each other.

* if we receive mixed messages from verbal & nonverbal cues we always believe the nonverbal. The body does not lie unless we train it to

*going for  job interview … check your handshake. If it’s weak, clammy or limp … you best to stay home

*taking a seat on public transit? If the person props their bag on their lap & leans into the window no need for small talk

*the most honest expression you’ll see is when someone is looking at their baby or pet

*females .. you know she feels threatened by you with her boyfriend if she reaches out to touch him … it’s a shout “he’s mine”

*guys if she licks her lips … ah she could be interested

*does your home decor reflect who you are? The lions at the end of the driveway do not scream welcome to our home

*the sign that says lock all valuables and keep doors chained does not instil confidence that ‘you’ll be safe here’

*when we are being sincere we will expose our palm

*study yourself when you are listening to someone you care about … you will nod, lean forward & focus on them

*when someone says “you’re not listening” and you are not looking at them … they’re right

*watch 2 people speaking perhaps of the opposite sex. If she fixes her hair or smooths her top and he adjusts his jacket or even hoists his pants… there’s some attraction there

*a way to better understand how a person might be feeling is to mimic their posture, walk or facial expression

*want to get better at interpreting nonverbal cues … practise, people watch and don’t take it too seriously

 ”Pay attention … you just might learn something”

So I hope you picked up on a tip or two. Embrace the world of the non-verbal and recognize the entertainment value in watching others. It will surely benefit you and your own style of communication. And above all have some fun with it~!!~

P.S.  if your group or workplace would like to learn more about this forgotten ‘language’ contact me @ cbluc@cogeco.ca … I’d love to share my two cents worth with you.

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Body Language 101 … the 2nd in a 3 part series

Saturday, December 10th, 2011

More tips to consider … 

*you cannot not communicate … just because you aren’t talking doesn’t mean you’re not saying anything … and saying it LOUDLY.

*look to hands and feet if you are are unclear of the messages being sent … often they are dead giveaways of nerves.

*the body does not lie unless we train it to. Be honest and their will be congruency.

*thinking positive thoughts = positive body language. It’s an inside out job.

* want to appear more clam? … sit up straight, take some deep breaths & relax your fingers.

*your thymus gland controls the stress in your body. Give it a good whack to stimulate it  … think Tarzan before he leapt for that vine.

*poor posture can indicate indifference … straighten up

*if you’re standing on the subway gripping the overhead pole, pressed body to body, watch how people turn away to avoid standing eye to eye.

*doing a presentation? Make sure you are looking at your audience when you begin to speak rather than reading from your notes.

*guys, when speaking in front of a group, keep those hands out of pockets & mostly keep your fingers off the loose change or whatever else you jingle in there.

*a light tap on the arm of the person you’re talking to will have a positive effect on how they feel about the interaction. If it lingers, not so much.

* when the person you are speaking with mirrors your expression … they’re really interested. But if their eyes begin to glaze over … you’re really boring.

*if you’re pitching a proposal and your boss takes her glasses off … she’s just not ‘seeing’ what you see.

*when speaking to someone it’s always best to remove your sunglasses … so they can see your eyes. There’s honesty in there.

*if a person fails to introduce you to the one they’re with … they either don’t think you’re worthy or they have forgotten your name.

*to stress sincerity or honesty a person will often touch their chest … but then again they’ll do the same in reaction to pain or heartburn.

*visiting other countries? People watch & pay attention to what the norms are … i.e. don’t expect a line up to be honoured in Italy.

*learn to differentiate between smiles … is it nerves, is it anger, is it flirtatious, is it genuine?

* a couple in love will touch more often, gaze longer and position themselves closer together. A couple not will rarely be seen together. Psst Joe … over here.

*you can practice new ways to communicate with body language but at the first sign of stress the old ways will return.

*non verbal cues represent over 90% of our in person communication package. However if you’re texting, emailing or tweeting it’s 100%, Careful now.

*communication is most effective when your words match your actions

*speaking to a group … be as mindful of the signals you’re sending as you are of your own. They will tell you when to shut up .

*talking to someone and they look away? You might as well stop talking to their left ear … they’re just not that interested in what you have to say.

 

 

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Body Language 101 … the 1st in a 3 part series

Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

It all started in a Psych course, third year university. Just one lesson covered a topic known as ‘Non-Verbal Communication’. I was immediately interested because like many of you I was an avid people watcher.

I would spend hours each day in my treasured spot on campus watching students file by. And as I watched and studied I learned more about ‘us’ and how we walked, talked and behaved whether alone or with others. Often I wrote about my sightings in my journal. It made for interesting fodder.

As a follow-up to that one ‘coles notes’ lesson we were instructed to submit a paper related to any portion of our course outline but I stuck on the ‘nonverbal’.

I decided my content would be gleaned from observing the behaviour of both leader and classmates in one of our tutorials. Apparently the prof was intrigued enough to invite to present it. I used it as an opportunity to ‘act out’ my findings.

Fortunately they were all able to laugh at themselves.

That launched my passion for what Julius Fast introduced in his book ‘simply called Body Language’.

 

I devoured that book and combined with my observations created an entire presentation of both facts and humour. I presented it to anyone willing to listen over a period of 12 years. It ultimately was the boost of my speaking career.

That was almost 40 years ago.

Currently our society is drowning in high tech and we’re out of touch with the rich meaning of the nonverbal cues. I believe it’s time to bring it back. It will be as a reminder to those in my generation and perhaps an introduction to those younger.

So I offer you Part 1 of 3 of my collection of tips in no particular order …

*don’t be quick to judge a person on one nonverbal cue … do the scan and check for other signals to either support your interpretation or cancel it

*if you notice the person you’re talking to back up … you better too … or perhaps you check your breath

*if the person in the front row is dozing off, turn it up a notch or exit stage right asap

*if you smile and your eyes aren’t wrinkled … you’re not really smiling. Your smile when you look at a baby or pet, that’s real

*trying to cover up your case of nerves … check the extremity furthest from your heart to see if it’s shaking. Still it.

*giving a presentation? … remove barriers between you and the group (ie. desk). Get closer to them for a better view.

* if the person you’re talking to discretely wipes their cheek … you have probably just sent some spit their way

*just because that woman in the front row has her arms crossed doesn’t mean she’s defensive … toss her a sweater.

*if the person you are pitching your idea to pinches their nose … they think it stinks. You better be more convincing.

* if the person you are sitting with has their legs directed away from you … they’re hoping for a quick getaway.

*if you tower over the person you’re speaking with and you want to balance the power … I suggest you both sit down.

*if a colleague enters your office rather than have them sit across the desk from you, step around & sit side by side.

*in Arab culture “to deny your friend your breath is to feel shame & deny friendship.”

* if the person you’re talking to is leaning forward, mouth opening and closing & index finger primed … they want in on the conversation so hush up~!!~

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In the company of friends …

Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

Having just returned from four days away with some old friends I recognize the importance of such an adventure. It not only refreshes everyone on the goings on in our lives and within each family but it’s also a reminder of what brought us together in the first place.

In each other’s company we can learn so much, not just about our friends but also about ourselves. How we interact; our social needs and miscues; our likes and dislikes; and the natural rhythm of life we choose all become more obvious. And the greater attention we pay to these similarities and differences the more plentiful the benefits. It is a true testament to the value we place in our friendship.

Spending the time and enjoying it is investment in our future together. So we better make sure the funds are filled and the friendships fuelled … because we’re going to need it and each other even more as we age.

Have you been nurturing yours?

“A friend is someone who knows all about you but loves you just the same.” (Elbert Hubbard)

 

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Fare Dolce Niente …

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

It sounds like an exotic dessert, but translated this Italian phrase means … ‘to do sweet nothing’. To chill, kick back, relax and take a time out to enjoy a recess.

Ironically it’s when we finally have the chance to settle into downtime with nothing on our agendas or on our minds that we often struggle. For some of us the state of idleness is so foreign to our common rhythm that it’s difficult to enjoy. ‘To do nothing’  initially offers more pain than pleasure and feels like a total waste of time … especially if busy-ness is the temptation of choice.

Conversely, some are able to embrace ‘the nothing’ using it as an opportunity to finally get some rest; to meditate; to merely park it, ponder or people watch. And some are happy to simply lose themselves in front of the TV with the coveted remote in hand.

It’s not until we stop that we can we sift through the junk we store in our heads and clear away the clutter. It’s an opportunity to press the rewind button to see where we’ve been and then the refresh button to provide the steam to move forward.

It doesn’t matter how you experience ‘the sweet nothing’. It’s private time. It’s your personal opportunity to regroup, to recharge and to rejuvenate. It’s not time wasted. You are nurturing yourself and nourishing your life to better prepare you and your palette for the surprises of tomorrow.

Taste it … you just might like it ~!!~

 

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Random Acts …

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

A number of communities have designated this Friday, November 4th as a day to celebrate little things we do for others … a day of ‘Random Acts of Kindness’. It is meant to encourage us to get out into our ‘world’ and do some good.

My Nona used to say “do good and you forget; do bad and you always remember.” These words come into play in every interaction we have and every day we live.  (more…)

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Having a ‘bad day’ …

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

“I’m having a bad day” is proclaimed far too often and at inopportune times … like while we’re waiting to be served in some capacity. It’s typically issued as a waiver, an excuse of the intolerable behaviour to which we will soon be subjected. Great. And all I wanted was a coffee, black, no creme, no sugar, no attitude.

The statement pleas for permission to be miserable (only persons suffering from weakened mental or physical health are entitled). It’s a free pass to vent and spew and whine and complain. It’s the green light to mistreat others; to be intolerant and impatient; to feel sorry for your woeful existence; to focus on the bad in life; and to put others on alert to tread carefully permitting any obnoxious behaviour to be tolerated. There. I think I covered it all.  (more…)

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Shhh, the whole world can hear you …

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

On far too many occasions I have been shushed for speaking too loudly, opening my mouth at the wrong time or interrupting someone’s train of thought with my sound bytes. Each reprimand serves as a reminder to ‘keep it down’. Sometimes I obey and often I forget. Besides there are times when it’s just more fun for everyone to hear and then add their own comments.  (more…)

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Humour 101 … is it playful or painful?

Friday, September 16th, 2011

Humour is used everyday with little thought given to the effect it might have on others.

Imagine … a balloon and a brick. Each time we attempt to use a bit of humour with others we should measure our approach against these two items. (more…)

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